Heartland Conservatives Liberal Zoo

The California Ding Bat

"Hiddious Pelosius"

Like most Bats Pelosius is a strange creature spending all its waking hours in the dark. It prefers to nest on the inside of moving wide body aircraft. It emits a potent guano forcing most conservatives to hold their nose. Its excrement does not seem to bother other liberal animals as they seem to revel in the stench. Its totally unedible but the actual face is used in the manufacture of plastic products.

The Delaware Big Ape

"Biddus Ignoramacus"

A loud boisterous ape with an extremely low I.Q. . The creature is harmless and found his way into peoples homes as a pet. It lives on a diet of fruit and nuts both of which are plentiful in Washington DC where he is known to inhabit. Its natural preditor is the California Ding bat.

The Northern Illinois Snake in the Grass

"Durbinus Doublecrossus"

The creature has extremely toxic venom and is capable of not only striking at its immediate attacker but also anything in a thousand mile radius be it friend or fo. Having no natural predators in Illinois it has even struck out at the harmless Illinois Jack Ass "Rolandus Burrisius". This animal can not be trusted, while its outward appearance is docile it has been known to lunge out for no apparent reason at anything crossing its path. Its home turf is the wasteland of government spending.

Northern Illinois Free Range Chicken

"Fostus runawayus"

A timid creature with a great fear of crowds and light. Frequently migrates to New York. A defensless creature he will always yield to a higher power or run away. Seeks safety in the caves of the California Ding bat. This Animal became extinct as of November 2010

The Massachusetts Bath house squirrel

"Frankus disguestus"

A peskey little rodent he is capable of doing great damage to existing structures. His diet consists solely of grains and he is usually spotted carry a couple of nuts in his mouth to a secret hiding place. Although small he is capable of frightening the Delaware big ape into a full retreat and the California ding bat has learned to keep its distance.

The Alaskan Snow Rat

"Murkowskus stab in the bakus"

The Alaskan snow rat is a loner scavenger. Much like a chameleon this animal will act as it must in order to achieve its personal goals often times turning on its own pack. Much unlike a wolf pack that has its own hierarchy this animal is a loner and can not be trusted. It will bite the hand that feeds it. Its hide is more or less worthless.

Southern Illinois Wild Hog

"Quinnulous Grabbus"

The Southern Illinois Wild Hog if given the chance will lilterally eat itself to death. It has no naturally tendencies for self control and will Gorge itself at every opportunity. Like most narcistic pigs it enjoys a good roll in the muck with fellow liberals seeing what they can skim off the top. Although it looks innocent it can not be trusted!

Wisconsin Looney Bird

"Democratus disruptus"

The Wisconsin looney bird is a nomadic species. Unlike other species of birds that migrate twice a year this bird will usually migrate when ever its current habitat is threatened which can occur dozens of times a month. Its largely a scavenger with no real hunting skills so it lives off the scraps of Union leaders and political hacks. The name looney bird comes from both its rather erratic, scrambling habit of running as well as the dumbfounded facial expressions such as shown left. The bird is not hunted as its totally worthless for both food and trophy all though its feathers are usually used to feather the nests of union leaders. The bird will always migrate to friendlier liberal enviornments such as Illinois when threatened as that state has the Wisconsin Looney on its protected species list.

Southern California Lard Hog

"MikusMorus hiddeous slobbus"

Don't let the docile looks of the California Lard Hog fool you its powerful jaws can eat thru common sense no matter how strong it is. Although the lard hog does not travel in herds of its own kind it is often seen in company with other wild life herds and flocks, most frequently the flocks of the Wisconsin Looney bird. This particular animal can do great damage to human habitats. The feces of this animal greatly resembles fast food bags and spent pizza boxes and can usually be found around government buildings. Its shrill mating cry, "spread the wealth", is in stark contrast to its personal hording habits. Its mainly hunted for its head plumage which is in great demand in the sporting industry. Its hygienic habits leave much to be desired and its liberal stench can be smelled for miles.

Budapest/Tasmanian

"Sorosious Sadisticis"

The Budapest Devil is nothing more than a Mammalian parasite that lives off sucking out the life juices of its prey. This animal traps its victims by first crippling them with outrageous financial deals. It’s believed the "Devil" migrated to the United States by stowing away in a gold shipment headed to New York in the 1950s where it has remained a pest ever since. For some reason Lame stream media outlets seems to suffer most from this infestation but they very seldom notice. Despite the dangers of this animal leftists show no fear many keeping them as pets only to be attacked by this animal when least suspecting. The Budapest Devil has also been seen on many golf courses across the nation. The only protection would be to drive a stake thru this animal’s heart, if it had one.

Upper New York State One Eyed Trouser Snake

"Weenus Erectus"

The one eyed trouser snake usually sheds its skin on a daily basis in a semi darkened place such as a dimly lit computer room. Living on a diet of hot dogs and lies the trouser snake is a cherished pet of liberals who constantly protect and defend their slimy pet. He is often seen slithering thru the internet doing its mating ritual to any and all takers. In an involved mating ritual the Weenus Erectus prefers to hide its face from view and focuses all attention of the shedding of his skin.

The Great Nevada Turkey

"Reidus Rediculus"

Like most species of Turkey this breed is no exception. This slow witted foul will definitely not soar with the eagles for the simple reason it forgot how to fly. Like the Illinois wild hog its mainly composed of fat, over indulging in whatever it can steal from the more productive animals. This animal seems to be compatible with the Kenyon Poll cat considering "Reidus Rediculus" feels "Obamaus whinus" to be clean and articulate. Despite the layers of government fat the meat of the Great Nevada Turkey is considered toxic and can lead to total paralysis of an economy.

The Kenyan Poll Cat

"Obamus whinus"

Not native to the United States the Kenyan Poll Cat arrived in an illegal shipment of bad fruit shipped from the nation of Kenya. An expert in camouflage, Obamus whinus, has the ability to convince the native species of skunks that he is one of them. The animal has adapted to this country and prefers to call the manicured acres of golf courses as home. The animal seldom forages for its own food as its inept, lazy, and rather stupid and relies on distribution of stored foods from more industrious animals for survival. An aggressive and arrogant animal it will confiscate the burrow of other creatures gorging itself on whatever it finds there leaving an empty and unlivable lodge. Its only defense are secretions from its liberal gland which cause a pungent and nauseating odor. A scavenger and intruder it continues to lay to waste thousands of acres of real estate every year. Plans are currently underway to rid the nation of this pest hopefully by 2012.